How to honor your natural cycles through "withness"
Written by: Jenny Channell for The Wild Well
Most people don't actually know how to connect with themselves.
Most people don't really know what to think when they're invited to go inward by a favorite coach or journal prompt.
Maybe some think they're supposed to have an electric feeling, a radical encounter, or they avoid the concept all together because they're terrified of what they'll find if they slow down long enough to listen.....sound like you?
But going inward isn't a rigid performative process and it doesn't need to look any particular way. And I promise, it's less scary than you think!
Going inward is a MUSCLE, not a MOMENT
You don’t “go inward” once and arrive somewhere.
You build a relationship with your inner world over time.
And like any muscle, strength requires:
Consistency
Openness
and an ability to Listen well
If your inner world has learned that it only gets attention when there’s a problem to solve, it may not speak up right away when you finally pause.
That doesn’t mean nothing is there.
It means trust is being rebuilt.
For many of us, going inward is not intuitive.
It’s unfamiliar. Sometimes it even feels unsafe.
So if “reflection” sounds good in theory but slippery in practice, you’re not alone.
Let’s slow this down and make it real.
Why Going Inward Can Feel Hard
Many people struggle to connect inward not because they lack self-awareness—but because their systems adapted early to look outward.
You may have learned to:
Scan the room instead of your own body
Anticipate others before (or instead of) noticing yourself
Become who you thought they wanted instead of showing up authentically
In that context, stillness can feel super uncomfortable. Reflection might feel like a foreign language. And figuring out what you think and feel might seem not allowed.
This is not resistance (at least not in the rebellious, too far gone kind of way). The tension you feel when asked to turn inward is actually protection.
Your nervous system learned that staying externally oriented was the safer option. That honestly served you well and was successful at keeping you safe. But it may be repeating an old pattern now and convincing you to avoid something that you don't actually need to be afraid of anymore.
Why Listening To Yourself Doesn't Have To Be Scary
Going inward starts with sensation -- did you know that 80% of the information your brain processes travels up TO your brain THROUGH your 5 senses?? crazy huh.....
So if the majority of information our brain processes on a daily basis comes through our senses -- and we want to be more attuned to ourself -- we should probably learn the language of sensation.
Before asking why, try asking what.
What do I notice in my body right now?
What feels tight, heavy, warm, numb, open?
What wants more space?
What wants less demand?
What do I see? What do I hear? What do I smell? What does this feel like?
You don’t need to interpret these answers. In fact, they don't even need to make sense. Noticing is the practice. Your body is already communicating—reflection is simply learning to hear what it has to say.
A Simple Practice To Turn Inward
Try this once a day, for two minutes.
Pause whatever you’re doing.
Place one hand on your body (the first place that comes to mind is often the best answer).
Take one slow breath.
Ask: “What is alive in me right now?”
Name the first thing that comes up—emotion, sensation, or even “nothing.”
Stop there.
That's it. You’re not trying to get somewhere.
You’re signaling safety through attention.
Over time, your inner world will get more chatty as it responds to being noticed.
Reflection Doesn’t Require Answers
We often think reflection should lead to clarity. We live in a results based culture that's obsessed with taking action. But we weren't actually wired to function that way.
Sometimes reflection brings clarity. Sometimes it doesn't.
True reflection is about contact, not conclusions.
Healthy WITHNESS is about staying connected to yourself even when things feel:
Unclear
Contradictory
Unfinished
You don’t need to resolve what you find.
You don’t need to make sense of it immediately.
Depth comes from presence, not pressure.
If Nothing Comes Up, That’s Still Information
Many people stop here.
“I tried to be with myself, but nothing came up.”
Nothing coming up usually means:
Your system is tired
Your system is cautious
Your system is used to being rushed
Silence is not absence.
It’s often the first layer.
It's why we hate the silence that has my coach self most curious
Staying gently present—without forcing insight—is what allows deeper layers to emerge later.
Reflection as a Way of Living
Going inward isn’t just a January activity.
It’s a way of relating to yourself across time.
It looks like:
Checking in before committing
Noticing your energy before making decisions
Letting your body inform your pace
Allowing clarity to arrive gradually
This kind of reflection doesn’t demand change.
It creates the conditions for it.
A Closing Invitation
If winter invites us into stillness, reflection is how we learn to stay there without disconnecting.
You don’t need to figure yourself out this month.
You don’t need a vision or a plan.
You only need willingness.
Willingness to notice.
Willingness to listen.
Willingness to be with.
That’s how the inward path begins.
Quietly.
Gently.
And able to meet you where you actually are.